Relationships do not stick, acquaintances are unsuccessful, every date becomes the last. You joke with your friends in the kitchen — cursed, the crown of celibacy. Keeping a sense of humor is a great idea, but sometimes a crazy thought arises — why not turn to a matchmaker?
Surprisingly, in the age of mobile dating applications, the profession is still relevant and in demand. We talked with the modern matchmaker Anastasia Belova (as she calls herself) and asked who turns to her in search of a husband and wife, how much the service costs and how to make sure that after the first date you are assigned a second.
Anastasia Belova, 30 years old. Experience in the field — 10 years, has two higher educations — psychological and economic. She is married and has a child.
— Tell us about your clients?
— My clients are men and women who could not take place in their personal lives. They took place in their careers, in parenting, but as married couples they did not. The age range for women is 25 to 50 years old, for men it is usually 33 to 55 years old.
— Do men or women apply more often? What are the requests?
— Today, men have begun to address more often. They are calmer and more concise clients than women. Men, as a rule, want to find a worthy partner, not a commercial one — it is important that she does not fly anywhere, is not an escort. Remarkably, men consider natural girls — silicone free. It is important for them that she is economic, knows how to create and maintain comfort in the house. Women want a strong and successful man who will not create unnecessary problems and will help them through life.
— What is included in your services and how much do they cost?
— Working with each client is individual. With someone you need to work out psychological moments and identify child-parental traumas that interfere with building a normal relationship. Someone, in principle, does not know the minimum basics of relationships, someone needs a change of image, and we are working on the appearance. I can work with someone for a month, with someone for a year.
The minimum service — passive placement in the database for one month — costs 10,000 rubles. I don’t work separately with such a client; he will go on a date if he is noticed. A standard average contract — accommodation in the database for one month plus a date — costs 50,000 rubles.
Individual services start at 1,000,000 rubles — master classes, image change, diagnostics of the causes of loneliness, sexology. The most expensive service costs 3,000,000 rubles to bring to the wedding. As a rule, this is the most difficult and time-consuming procedure: I select a partner for the client, arrange meetings, dates, follow how the relationship is developing until the moment of marriage proposal. More often women buy this service.
Once a month I hold dating parties: the entrance to the event costs 10,000 rubles, guests are divided into age groups of 50 people — 25 men and 25 women. The party is held in a restaurant, with a host, artists, thematic contests. Previously, our security service checks the guest — married, perverts and gigolos are not needed at the holiday.
— You help people find a match through the Tinder app — can you tell us more about this?
— In general, I am not a supporter of dating sites, but if a client completely refuses to meet in person and does not conclude an agreement with me, I help create a profile from scratch — we choose a photo, a description. I teach how to recognize fakes, how not to run into scammers. Registration of the questionnaire costs 2,500 rubles, 4,000 rubles — a master class on acquaintances.
A good profile is a well-chosen photo; there should be no foreign objects or people in the frame. Men should not publish photos with tense press in their underwear or in front of a car; girls should use Photoshop and filters to a minimum. A full-screen face is also not suitable, not necessarily studio shooting, maybe just street photography, show yourself as you are. In the description, clearly state the purpose of your visit to Tinder, what you want to find — communication, friendship or long-term relationship. 90% of the questionnaires have in the description a list of hobbies, hobbies or place of work, this is not interesting to anyone.
— What recommendations can you give for a successful dating on Tinder?
— You need to understand that an adequate man who is aimed at a serious relationship will not invite him to his house for a first date — he does not see his destiny in every meeting and is not inclined to short-term romances. Many people register on the site and do not read the rules, privacy policy — the first meeting must be in a crowded place: in a cafe or in a park. Do not drag out the correspondence for a long time — we talked for a while, go to the phone, communicate, call up, make an appointment. The most important rule is not to fall in love on the Internet, no matter what a person writes to you, you cannot fall in love with letters, you need to fall in love with a person. This problem is especially common among Russian women.
— What are the differences between dating through Tinder in the regions and in Moscow?
— There are no very obvious ones, in every city there will be married people, and swindlers, and perverts. In the regions, acquaintances are easier, in Moscow everyone is wary, and acquaintances are more difficult. According to statistics, more couples are created in the regions than in the capital.
— What if the pair is not matched?
— It is necessary to work out the psychological side, there are no hopeless cases, there are aggressive clients: a person paid money and thinks that his whole life will change dramatically and I owe him something. At the same time, he does not want to work on himself.
— Is the request for a foreign groom still popular?
— Every third woman dreams of marrying a foreigner — usually this is due to the desire to move and start a new life. The most popular request for Italians. According to Russian women, they are the hottest, most emotional men and the best lovers. In their understanding, the Italian is endlessly admired, writes love songs, beautifully and generously looks after. In fact, the Italian will not allow a woman to live at her own expense in a big way, as a rule, they are completely devoted to the family.
— Tell us how a woman in the process of communication to recognize a married, gigolo or abuser?
— If we talk about married, then there are seasoned walkers, tough nuts, it is rather difficult to recognize them. And if a man is not a superconspirator, then sooner or later the secret will become apparent. The main signs are that you already have a rather long relationship, and he has never invited you to visit his territory, he is in no hurry to introduce you to friends, he leaves to talk on the phone, does not allow you to post joint photos on social networks, weekends and holidays you are not together, but he has eternal excuses: either a lot of work, or the cat gives birth.
Alphonses are usually divided into three types. The first is an ordinary home bum who needs a woman to pay for the apartment and his needs. The second is the same, but he is an eternal victim of circumstances: they did not appreciate it, they set it up there, have pity on me. The third type is a typical gigolo who does not even hide his intentions. There is a fourth, but it is very difficult to recognize them — these are marriage swindlers, usually they are revealed after the wedding. Be sure to ask the man who he works for, what interests him in his work, what difficulties arise.
Abusers need complete control over their partner — from subtle manipulations to harassment and beatings. Their model of behavior is humiliation and criticism of a partner (you are always to blame for everything), they belittle their self-esteem, tightly control, examine your phone, do not give money. At first they seem cute and harmless, but at some point they begin to communicate in an orderly tone — bring it, give it, do this, this, don’t do this, that. Abusers expect complete submission from the victim, instill a sense of guilt — this is an excellent lever with which you can manipulate a person. Abusers try to embroil their partner with his close circle, persuade him to quit his job, devalue him. Bottom line: the victim is left alone and feels worthless.
If you notice the first signals, in any case do not ignore them. As a rule, it is most difficult to break off relations with abusers, as there is a strong attachment to a person, dependence on him. The most effective way is to go to a psychologist, but if there is no way, you need to work through your story on your own and find out who became the source of your understanding of love as violence. Usually the abusing partner is your parent’s replacement.
— What should be the setting for a perfect date?
— It is better to choose the first meeting place somewhere in a cafe — the atmosphere of peace is important. The second option is a walk in the park. A man should be complimented — women love with their ears, I didn’t come up with it, the main thing is that the compliments are sincere. It is best to turn off the phone or switch it to silent mode, do not complain on the first date, remember previous relationships, choose neutral topics.
— How can a girl interest a guy who doesn’t pay attention to her?
— Each girl is individual, each wants to show that she is the best and most worthy. Men don’t like vulgar and obsessive women. Excessive shyness is also useless. Men do not like it when a woman, a girl, is rude. A woman should not forget about her appearance — neat, tidy, pleasant aroma of hair and body, posture, gait, makeup, smile, femininity. There is no need to be afraid to look a man directly in the eyes, eye contact is the main weapon of seduction. Tricks: men react to red, the main thing is to remember that makeup in this case should not be provocative, bright. Behave naturally, joke, smile, play with your eyes.
— What are the most common mistakes women make, because of which acquaintance and further communication do not stick?
— Self-doubt, excessive obsession, negative perception of the environment, especially at the first meeting. Attention to others: your date is unlikely to be successful if you shoot your eyes at other men. Excessive curiosity, alcohol consumption, overplaying or violation of personal space.
— What most often becomes an obstacle to the development of relations?
— Failure to meet expectations. For women, this is a disappointment in the financial component of a man, a lack of attention and care: they count on more, get less. Men want household and household chores, but in reality it turns out differently — the housekeeper cleans up, I will not cook. It also hurts men if a woman has more income.
— Can you remember any interesting case from your practice?
— I had a client whom I had been managing for about a year. Everything was not so for her: this one has a big nose, a small wallet, not such fingers on his hands. I was tired while I was looking for a partner for her without ex-wives, children, with a short nose and a big wallet. And so, such a candidate was found — everything was as ordered, and she said: “That’s it, I don’t want to, I want to go to Amsterdam, look for my fiancé from there.” I completely rebuilt the principle of work — in my database there was only one man from the VIP list, of course. I negotiated, arranged a date for them — the groom flew to Russia. The girl was delighted, but the Amsterdamman — no, she was not impressed, did not see in her what he was looking for. The bride, on the other hand, decided by all means to win the favor of the foreigner. That woman and I had to terminate the contract — I can’t force the groom to go on dates with her. After some time that Amsterdamman calls me and asks to remove him from the base — he got married. For the sake of interest, I found my former client on social networks and saw a photo of her wedding with an Amsterdam man — I don’t know how she won him over, but she got her way.
