Can treason be forgiven? The eternal question, the answer to which will never be found. For some, betrayal is a terrible betrayal, but for someone it is just a fact on which even time and effort is not worth spending.
Each person experiences the «left hike» in their own way, be it the walker himself or the injured party. We decided to raise a delicate topic for discussion, asking men and women in which case it is possible to forgive treason and whether it is possible at all — the answers were very different.
— The topic is very sensitive. I do not have a definite answer, whether I would forgive the betrayal or not, it all depends on the situation. In my life, there was no such thing that I learned about treason with evidence and begged for forgiveness from me. Perhaps there were betrayals, but I did not know about it. There was a case about 10 years ago with my boyfriend, we were in a relationship, lived together. Once, at a party, my friend said in front of everyone that my boyfriend was cheating on me, and I live with pink glasses (she talked well with him, he was her friend).
I told this to the guy, to which he replied: «She drives, wants to embroil us.» The next day I came to her with a personal conversation: «Tell me, what do you know, why did you say that?» She didn’t explain anything to me. In that situation, I believed the guy and stopped communicating with my friend. By the way, I eventually broke up with my boyfriend, but we talk to my friend, and I still don’t know what happened there.
I was cheating. By the way, I never publicly admitted this, now is my debut. For youth, for stupidity and not out of great love, apparently. I hear from many that when spouses live their lives in marriage, both have lovers, and everyone is happy with everything. Here, of course, the question is: why do you need a marriage? Where is the value of the family? Why is it impossible to live with a loved one, why this farce? I honestly do not understand them. Once I was visiting a friend at a party, and at some point I asked: «Where is your husband?» “And he is in the bedroom with my friend,” she replied. After that, my idea of a family just collapsed, about love, about trust. Some kind of disappointment. But this is life, and, as another friend told me, in Moscow this is generally the norm. Swingers, threesomes and the like. Everyone has a choice.
Olga Khabibulina, 24 years old, administrator
— It seems to me that if you just forgive, you give up the slack, then the person will use it. Although for men sex is just sex, he may not even love for that, and for us women, it’s emotions. We have emotions and love, well, almost. I would never forgive, I would have survived, but I would still be tormented.
Valery Mikheenko, 38 years old, his own business
— I am sure that in a normal relationship such behavior on the part of a woman or a man is simply impossible. But when a marriage falls apart, cheating is an impetus to parting. And then everyone needs such a step in order to get rid of the connection, which has not brought happiness for a long time. This is neither good nor bad, it just can be.
Alina Birkheim, 29 years old, entrepreneur
— Treason can be not only physical, but also mental — this is when a person begins to get carried away by another, while being in the same relationship. Should I forgive treason? Definitely yes, but for myself, so as not to carry this burden. Whether to accept a person further into your life is a question. If you can sincerely accept, without reproaching the person with this moment and not worrying that this will happen again, then why not. Unfortunately, they cheated on me physically. Once a person even admitted it himself, but at that moment I could not accept. Broke up. But later she decided to give a second chance. And in vain — the situation repeated itself. Now I can definitely say that I will not do this anymore. If there is a betrayal, then the person leaves my life.
Kirill Astakhov, 32, a representative of an alcohol company
— I had several serious relationships in which I myself never changed, I didn’t even have thoughts, I am by nature a devoted person. There were suspicions that they were cheating on me, but I did not catch anyone in this case. It is sad that there are couples who turn a blind eye to cheating. Probably, they do it because of financial components or because of children, I heard about this. This is unacceptable to me. Treason is betrayal, and traitors should never be forgiven.
Ksenia Khomenko, 36 years old, broker
— I thought that for the sake of the family and the child I could forgive the betrayal, but it offended me so much that I could not remain silent and decided to change it myself, and then along the irreversible path. The husband found out about the betrayal and also could not forgive, despite his own jamb. Divorced.
Victoria Bernhardt, 26, housewife
— I had several situations in my life when cheating touched me and my relationship. And I realized a surprisingly simple truth — cheating does not hurt your heart if it was done by someone you do not really love. It makes you angry, but it doesn’t hurt. You can forgive such a betrayal over time, but not forget. It is quite another matter if the one you love betrayed. There is not even anger here, because it is comparable to a blow to the heart, after this there is no strength to scream and scandal. You just quietly go down the wall, and the world turns gray. But what I want to say: this experience is perhaps more important than many others, because a person who experienced a betrayal will never be the same again.
Victor, 37 years old, his own business
— Now I have no one, for 15 years I met with different women, when there was no permanent relationship, but I did not cheat on anyone. If I start to stare at others, then I am not satisfied with the current relationship. In this case, I prefer to complete them. I think it’s easy to explain what emotional cheating is. When a person’s heart is not with his constant partner, but with someone else. When he spends energy on others, he cannot give a full response to a constant partner. When you flirt on the phone, text or live, your heart goes to someone else.
Ekaterina Prilepkina, 36 years old, advertising sales manager
— I have not been in a situation where they cheat on you, but I do not harbor illusions that this has not happened and will not happen. Much depends on the circumstances of the betrayal, the couple itself, the relationship in it and the age of the partners. For example, you have been living for more than a year, you are already accomplished, conscious, and your spouse cheated on a long business trip, while the girl herself hung on him and the spouse was also drunk. Such a betrayal can probably be forgiven, this is a mistake, we can all be wrong, but on condition that this is an isolated case.
If a man is a pathological traitor, cheats at every opportunity, or at the same time has a family and a long-term relationship in which feelings, strength and finances are invested, then such betrayals, of course, cannot be forgiven — this is a betrayal. Again, you can argue as much as you like, it is not known how you will behave in reality. This is just my opinion at this stage of life, it is quite possible that it will change with age.
My mom’s friend said: “Oh, what do I feel sorry for, or what? Not a pencil, it won’t grind off, «but for some, even a glance at another woman, a hug and a kiss on the cheek is already a betrayal that cannot be forgiven. Most likely in younger people. Someone does not consider physical betrayal as a betrayal at all, for him only spiritual betrayal makes sense. For this period of time, based on the current circumstances, I will try to forgive my husband for a one-time betrayal due to stupidity, but not the fact that I will succeed.
Artyom Biryukov, 29 years old, IT specialist
— I had a girlfriend with whom I really felt good. I couldn’t even think about others. But one day she told me that she made a mistake. I realized that it was not she who was wrong, but that I trusted too much, loved and closed my eyes to the obvious things. Now I try not to think about serious relationships, I enjoy life and women. I’m not sure if I can really believe one woman and be faithful to her — my ex struck me too hard.
Evgeny Muromov, 26 years old, coach
— I think that treason cannot be forgiven. For a guy it is very difficult, then you constantly remember about it, the stress is strong and for a long time, it spoils the psyche specifically, there are constant suspicions, panic attacks, and it will still be gone. How can you forgive the one who caused you such suffering? After this, there will still be a parting in the end: immediately or after some time. Out of stupidity and inexperience, I didn’t part right after the girl’s betrayal and regretted it, because when you forgive this, it will 100% be repeated later. This is exactly what happened, so I am now firmly positioned on this issue that after this I need to part right away and also be glad that I learned about this and now you will not waste time on such a person.
In general, this problem is especially relevant in our time, everything has become too accessible and simple, it is easy to get attention, for example, you meet with someone, and your partner has someone who starts to write or at school, work to communicate, to call somewhere , well, that gradually there is an opportunity to change, especially if you had a quarrel, some kind of resentment, and someone else turned out to be around. It happened that girls are married or with guys who have very cute joint photos on Instagram, and they have been together for a long time, you look, and it seems that everything is perfect there, and they take and write to me, call me somewhere, although they do not you say. This is all scary, in fact.
Daria Isaeva, 27 years old, her own nail salon
— For me, the topic of betrayal is far away, but I reasoned a lot and thought about it. Recently, this happened to my friend, and she forgave. Justified her husband that it was an accident. So I do not believe in accidental betrayal, because a person does only what he wants, and if this happens in a couple, then I don’t think it’s accidental. If two people love and respect each other, this will not happen to them. They are working on their relationships in their world, and they do not need anyone else. I am totally against forgiveness of betrayal. This is disrespect for yourself in the first place. Well, if you have forgiven, it is unlikely that this will not give complications in the future.
Ilya Timofeev, 28 years old, bartender
— I do not even want to hide the fact that I cannot remain physically faithful to a man. In my understanding, a lover is some kind of constant value, another woman with whom the relationship is not interrupted for a long time. And one-time connections — is this treason? Just meeting your own needs. And I can devote my life, love, warmth and care to one woman — my future wife.
Anastasia Lozovaya, 32 years old, entrepreneur
— For me, betrayal is a sin, pain, betrayal, and you cannot forgive her. I believe that if once changed (changed), then it will be repeated, and more than once. People do not change. Cheating is disrespect and dislike for your partner. I am scared to imagine what a person who has been cheated on feels, what pain, resentment, just trampled your heart. I do not understand people who forgive treason. You may have forgiven (forgiven), but your brain will not forget it, remember each quarrel, think about it, torment yourself … Why? For what? For love? And treason — is it love? This is a complete failure. You need to love yourself, respect and send people who do not appreciate you, and appreciate and respect the person who is next to you.
Artyom Kondratyev, 33 years old, construction superintendent
— I cheated, I’m not proud of it, and they cheated on me. Many men are angry, jealous, but I perceive treason like this: I find out about it — and the person for me immediately dies, like a toggle switch. It is better to find out about the betrayal and break up than to see the girl’s indifference towards herself. Now I have no relationship, but in the future I try to come to the point where I look at many moments much more freely: I will not control the girl — she is not my thing. We are all people, a one-time sexual betrayal can happen (on both sides), it is worse if the betrayal is spiritual, emotional, when a person does not feel anything for you, but continues to be with you and in parallel meets with another.
