Alina Shikut, a sex blogger from Yaroslavl, says about herself that she is polyamorous. And he calmly talks about what it is like to live surrounded by several partners. We do not really understand such sensual subtleties.
After all, how do we imagine this — wow, three of us, or what? The older generation has a stronger word. Where is the line between debauchery and free relationships? Is it possible to be in close proximity with several people, while not infringing on anyone’s feelings? But what about jealousy? Is the theory of polyamory viable at all, or is it an invention of those who still cannot determine their sympathies?
— I have had quite a lot of different experiences of group sex and threesome sex. And in different variations — the third were both girls and men. It is difficult to combine each experience into one thing. I never planned a threesome. There was no such thing that I sat alone with a partner and made a plan. It happened with us somehow organically. That is, people first appeared, and then sex appeared between them. When the opposite happens, it ends badly.
— Is polyamory just sex with other people or something more?
— This is just the format of the relationship, which does not define a person in any way. Polyamory does not necessarily mean that there are two of you, and that someone will come to you as a couple. More to say, polyamory doesn’t necessarily include sex. Polyamory is a relationship format where a person can have one or more romantic partners. That is, a person does not get hung up on only one thing, but may have different connections, attachments to different people. Sex can be very different. This is not necessarily about the penetration and contact of mucous membranes.
— Why did you even decide to take such a step?
— Most likely, because I wanted to try new things. Sex is a game. The more people there are, the more diverse it can be made. So I agreed to participate in group sex.
— Were you or your partner not shy? Weren’t you embarrassed?
— Different people have different sex. And it happens that people are shy. And that’s okay. In this case, there are two options — you can tell your partner that you are embarrassed, or step over the embarrassment to try something new. Ask yourself questions: “How am I now? What I feel? What is my shyness about? » It’s pretty therapeutic and opens the door to something new.
— Why do you need a permanent partner if the couple adheres to polyamory? It turns out that you can not burden yourself with the bonds of relationship or marriage and have sex with whoever you want?
— In polyamorous couples, usually both people adhere to the format of such a relationship. That is, both people can afford romantic relationships with other people. But people choose for themselves whether they want to have one or more permanent partners. Again, I repeat, polyamory is not always sex between partners. With one you can have sex, with the other you can not. It is not necessary that your partners know each other. Or they can be friends but not have sex with each other. Such a relationship is not a guarantee of threesome sex. This must be understood and not lined up with all polyamorous unions. You can, of course, not get married and not have a permanent partner. Only it won’t be polyamory anymore. Such people are usually only interested in bodily communication, and in such cases it is necessary to warn about it in advance.
— Do you share your sex experience with other people with your main partner? Is he with you?
— It all depends on people, how comfortable they are. How much they want to discuss everything. If a person wants to get to know another partner of his partner and if the other partner wants the same, then why not? There are different polyamores. I have partners who know each other and communicate well, intersect at my home, at parties and feel fine. There are partners at a distance who are very far away and we have a direct connection with them: “I am He”. And that’s okay too, it doesn’t make this partner less important than others. It’s just a different relationship. Now I do not have a main partner, and I have moved away from this position, because I realized that relationships are a more variable thing than main partners and some additional ones. I now live alone, and I have constant partners, with whom I have been for more than two years and I feel great. We regularly communicate and spend our leisure time. But I do not have a person whom I would somehow single out, because I had such an experience, and it is not the most fun. The boundaries of relations tend to move: further, closer. Relationships are generally unpredictable. By endowing one person with the “main” status, we are, as it were, guaranteed to exclude the possibility of any changes. But that’s not how it works. For me, sex is communication. And yes, I share my experience with people and talk about my new sensations. By endowing one person with the “main” status, we are, as it were, guaranteed to exclude the possibility of any changes. But that’s not how it works. For me, sex is communication. And yes, I share my experience with people and talk about my new sensations. By endowing one person with the “main” status, we are, as it were, guaranteed to exclude the possibility of any changes. But that’s not how it works. For me, sex is communication. And yes, I share my experience with people and talk about my new sensations.
— Would you be offended to know that the person you live with is having sex with other people?
— I now live alone, and I am not offended. From time to time my lovers come to me and live with me for a couple of weeks. Indeed, polyamores can have jealousy too. But jealousy is just a signal that something is wrong. Then you need to figure out why she appears at all, what is wrong in my relationship. Perhaps I am missing something? If you are self-sufficient, with enough attention from yourself and from the world, you know how to ask for and accept support, then you will not be offended by the fact that your partner has sex with people. For me, jealousy is a signal that I need to sort out the relationship. If a person is just having sex with someone else, it’s not offensive. If he comes to me and says that he is tired, and then goes to have sex with someone else, it is insulting. But this is a common situation, as in friendship. If your friend tells you that he is tired,
— That is, it is not perceived as treason?
— Not. It is necessary to define the concept of «treason». For me, cheating is when you agreed on something as a couple and one of you did not fulfill this agreement. Someone may be hurt. If I have an agreement with my partner that he can have sex with whoever he wants and I can, then this cannot be perceived as treason. If we have an agreement to have sex with anyone, but not on a common living space, then, in order not to change each other, we must observe this rule. It works very simply in monogamous couples, because there isn’t much to negotiate about. There, by default, for some reason, it is believed that if a person has sex with someone else, then this is treason. The basic rule of any relationship, be it polyamorous or monogamous, is to tell your partner about yourself and your feelings. Because many things that seem normal to us
